Failure
by VexieChan
Summary: Jack Spicer, Boy Genius by day, but when the lights go out, what is he but a stupid kid with a pair of fifty cent goggles playing pretend? JackCentric emo one shot. edited for random stuff


**Failure**

**A.J. Wonkette**

Disclaimer: I do not own it. I don't get anything out of this but sleep deprivation due to late nights being my only writing time and a bunch-a grins. Just so you know.

Feedback: Will inspire me to call off the Jack-Bots. (Move a little to the left, by the way. There ya go.)

Summary: Jack Spicer, Boy Genius by day, but when the lights go out, what is he but a stupid kid with a pair of fifty cent goggles playing pretend?

A/N: Jack Spicer is an Emo Kid. This one is sort of based off a drawing I did which I put on Deviant-art (the link is in my bio under homepage) then I popped in some Simple Plan ('cos he always makes me think of them and Blink 182) and wrote this little diddy.

Also note that this one revolves around the episode "Apprentice" which is one of my favorite XS eps of all time for more reasons than one.

"You're not water…you're a GIRL!" hahahaha!

Anyway…

edit – 11/10/06. During English, no less. Hahaha. I'm awful. But I changed a few things that bugged me so bravo!

Fic:

_I'm a Nightmare _

_A disaster_

_That's what they always say_

_I'm a lost cause_

_Not a hero_

_But I'll make it on my own_

_I gotta prove them wrong_

_It's me against the world_

_**-Simple Plan "Me Against The World" **_

To wake up and see your own head sitting about six inches from your nose is a little unnerving. Terrifying, actually, which totally justifies why I shrieked and scrambled away from it. Then I realized that what I had first thought were my own body parts laying around me were, in fact, pieces of my broken Robo-Jacks. Pretty fitting, I thought as I slumped against a nearby wall, surveying the damage (which was kind of vast) and trying to stop my heart from beating so fast. I was feeling pretty much the same way; broken into pieces and thrown all over the place. The past few days had been the most confusing days of my life. And looking at my strange, twisted life, that ought to tell you something.

I pulled myself off the floor with a groan and started to pick up my bots, or what was left of them, but changed my mind. Why bother? It wasn't as if they were going anywhere. I was too tired to mess with them that night. Instead, I climbed the stairs to my room and shut the door, locking it behind me out of habit more than anything else. There wasn't anyone at home to barge in on me. Dad was on a business trip or wherever it is that he goes when he's always gone. And Mom was out at some party that she'd left for almost a week ago. I wondered who it was this time. Probably another musician. If anyone ever asked me why I decided to take over the world in the first place, I'd have to tell them to go take a look at my parents. This world _needs_ someone to put it into some sort of order.

Shaking my head, I turned on my stereo and put in one of my favorite CD's. I turned up the volume and stood there for a moment, listening to the music, my mind returning to the events of the day.

In the past forty-eight hours, I had been duped by my own robot-double, rejected as my childhood hero's apprentice, accepted into a Xiaolin Temple, turned on said temple, became said childhood hero's apprentice, lost a showdown, and had myself psychoanalyzed by a cheese-ball. As I said, the past two days had been _very_ confusing. Not to mention painful, exhausting, and one emotional roller-coaster after another.

I went into my bathroom and looked in the mirror. The new bruise on my cheek was vibrant purple against my pale skin. Nice. Very menacing. I tried an evil laugh, testing it out with the bruise. The laugh fell like lead. I stopped and sighed. It wasn't working. I shook my head at myself.

"Who're you kidding, Jack?" I asked my reflection. "No, really, who're you trying to fool? Look at yourself. You're not evil. You're…how did Wu Ya put it? Oh yeah, I remember, a pathetic excuse for an evil boy genius. Yeah. You're not evil. But as it turns out, you suck at good too. You're nothing. Nothing!" A voice in the back of my head spoke up. I didn't really suck at being good. I just quit. But, I reasoned, I would have sucked at it eventually. Like at everything else I ever try to do.

"Who're you kidding?" I repeated softly, my eyes burning. I stared at my reflection. A stupid kid in a lame costume stared back at me. Pathetic. Yeah. That's me, I thought. I just play at being evil. I mean, look at me! Here I am running around in this big, gothic trenchcoat that gets more battered every day, wearing heavy combat boots, black jeans… the whole classic villain look. Oh yeah, and let's not forget those stupid goggles I found in the clearance been for fifty cents the day after Halloween a few years back. I took them off and set them on the sink, then took off the rest of my costume. I looked at what was left. Oh yeah, the eyeliner. I used to put it on like Billie Joe Armstrong until the day my mom scared me by banging opening my door. I ended up accidentally drawing a line down my face. It looked really cool, so I kind of messed with it, and now it's sort of like a trademark. Besides, it looks like the Eye of Horus, which is one of my favorite Egyptian symbols. I scrubbed it all off and looked up at the mirror again. There we go. Down to just me.

I smiled grimly. Just my stupid scrawny self. Too tall, too thin but I've got this really round baby-face that just completely destroyed all my evil looks, no matter how hard I tried. Fire-truck red hair, marking the rebellion attempt that no one even noticed. Eyes that are such a weird color of brown they look red, which makes me even more of a freak, if you think about it. Too-pale skin from spending too much time in a dark basement working on robots and other inventions. Yeah. Just me.

I'm nothing but a stupid kid in a costume. Take away the costume and what's left? I smiled bitterly to myself. Just a stupid kid. I blinked back tears once again and began inspecting the new scrapes and bruises I had just acquired. I smiled at the blisters on my hands from all the scrubbing I had to do as a Xiaolin Monk. That one day I spent at the temple was amazing. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy. I never thought I could get _that_ tired. Or sore, for that matter. But no matter how much smelly laundry they dumped on me or how sore I got or how much the soap stung after the blisters started forming, it didn't matter. When I was working, I felt like I was a part of something. For once, I was really accomplishing something, even if it wasn't anything more than somebody's set of chores. I completed every task they threw at me. Omi was right. I _did_ try. Hard. I had to prove to them that I could make it, so I worked with an enthusiasm I usually only show when I'm inventing things. And I think they were actually sort of impressed. It might've been a dream, but I thought I heard them complimenting all of my work.

But more than that, I felt like I was a _part_ of something. I wasn't just a lackey or a means to an end like I was with Chase or Wu Ya. I wasn't "useful." I was an equal. Even if they didn't really trust me, or even really want me there, they accepted me for what I was. There were even a few moments when they weren't trying to completely degrade me. I had an actual conversation with Clay while I was washing dishes. It was about pudding, but it was a conversation, and a civil one at that. And when Raimundo and I had gotten into a "your mom/your face" fight, we ended up having to explain the whole point of the game to Omi which ended in the three of us laughing together. Almost as if we were _friends_. And Kimiko had even helped me out with the laundry a little. I didn't know what to do, and she showed me. To them, I wasn't exactly a friend, but I was a part of their group. For just a little bit, I was one of them. I belonged.

With Wu Ya, it's never been like that. No matter what I do, I'm never a part of her "team". I'm just a means to her end. I work my butt off for her, and Chase, too, and what would I get in the end? Screamed at, degraded, put down, attacked by jungle cats, ignored, thrown into walls, beat up….you name it! No matter what I do, who I hire, or who I work for, I'm always on the bottom rung when I'm with them. Never an equal. To them, I really am just a stupid kid. And they never hesitate to tell me so.

I shook my head to clear it and stepped into the shower, trying to wash away the ache. The hot water worked a little. I screamed along to the music still blaring from my stereo until my throat was hoarse and the water was beginning to lose heat. I finally got out and put on a pair of boxers. I changed the CD in my player to something a little mellower and turned down the volume. I got into bed and closed my eyes, expecting the relief of sleep to wash over me. Instead, my mind wandered, returning to the events of the day.

Omi puzzled me. He was nothing but supportive, even if it was in his own arrogant, condescending way. He was always so confident that I could become good under his watchful eye, sort of like that ever-believing younger brother who just can't see what a loser his older brother really is. At the time, I thought it was just to prove his friends wrong. But I guess _I _was wrong. During the showdown, he had admitted that he had truly believed in me. He trusted me. And knowing that, well, it's the best thing I've ever felt. It was the first time anyone had ever believed in me, believed I could do anything _right_. Let alone _good_. I know I'll miss it, and I'd give anything to feel that way again. Not that they'd ever take me back, not after what I did. Especially Omi. I disappointed him. It's no different from the millions of times I've disappointed everyone else I've ever met in my entire life, but for some reason, it really bugged me. But I guess it was for the best. It wasn't like I could have made it on the Xiaolin side.

No matter what I do, I can never seem to do anything right. I always fail. No matter how well thought out my plan is, or who I have on my side, it doesn't matter. I still always fail. Every day I get up and I try to find a place to fit in. I try to be on a side, any side, whatever side will take me. But no side ever really does. No matter what side I'm on, nobody's on my side. Either way, I lose. I'm always the outcast. That's why I'm evil, I guess. It's just easier to be evil. It's not as bad to suck at being evil as it is to suck at being good. I mean, if you're a failure at Evil, the world just kind of moves on and doesn't change at all. But if you suck at being good. . .the whole world could end. Just think about what would happen if the Xiaolins were like me. Wu Ya or Chase Young or somebody even worse would probably rule the world by now.

My mind drifted back to what Omi had said about me during the showdown. It surprised me how well he knew me after all. It kind of made me happy, just knowing that he took the time to figure out who I really was. At least someone out there knows me for who I am. But I wasn't really that happy with what he said. He said things about me that I can barely admit to myself. Things that are all true. That I'm afraid. That I'm insecure. That I'm weak.

I need the Shen Gong Wu to hide behind. I'm not strong and I'm not any kind of martial artist. I wanted fencing lessons; my mom set me up with ice-skating lessons. I wanted martial arts, she sent me to ballet. The closest thing I've got to any of the Xiaolin's or even any of the Heylin's martial arts is the grace and limberness I learned, though no one really knows that, since I'm such a klutz. But with the Shen Gong Wu, I can stand up for myself. I can defend myself. I can prove to them that I can make it on my own.

By myself, I'm a lost cause. I'm just a stupid kid in a lame costume playing pretend with worthless toys that just get broken by the end of the day anyway.

But with the Shen Gong Wu, I'm a hero. I can do things normal people can't. And it feels good for a while. Until I eventually lose all my Wu and end up back at square one with no magic, no robots, no plans, and no comrades. The bad guys all hate me for losing and the good guys hate me for attempting to defeat them.

I sighed. This train of thought wasn't helping things at all. I was wide awake again. I got out of bed and pulled on a pair of black jeans and my favorite shirt. I laced up my boots, strapped on my heli-bot, and opened up my window. I stepped onto the ledge, but paused before taking off. Making a face at my own stupidity, I ran back into the bathroom and grabbed my goggles off the sink. I couldn't help it; I felt strange without them. Putting them in their place on my forehead, I jumped off the ledge, activating the heli-bot as I fell. I felt the familiar tug as the machine caught me and then I was flying.

I flew off into the night, not really going anywhere in particular, just flying. I did that sometimes, just for the fun of it. Especially on nights like that one, when it was clear and all the stars were out. I've had the heli-bot since I was ten, but I still haven't gotten over the awesomeness of flying. I love it. It's my favorite thing to do. I suddenly noticed a building in the distance. A very familiar building. It was, in fact, the Xiaolin Temple. I flew over and dropped to the ground a ways away so they wouldn't hear my heli-bot. I crept to the wall and climbed it carefully, peering over. I saw my adversaries and a smile found its way onto my face. The four of them were playing soccer, teasing each other and playfully beating each other up, like brothers and sisters.

"Home run!"

"Omi, you dolt, that's a goal!"

"Then I have achieved my goal of winning a home run!"

"No, partner, what Rai's tryin' to tell you is that when you score, it's not called a home run, it's called a goal."

"Oh, I see. So my goal is not to win a home run?"

I had to bite back a laugh. The four of them were so tight. They were like those kids who were always walking together in school with their heads together, constantly laughing about something. The ones you desperately wanted to be with so you could be in on the joke and have fun, too. I envied them. They had what I never had, and never would have. They had each other. They always had someone to fall back on when things went wrong, and no one screamed at them or hurt them because of it. They always had someone to have fun with. I had no one. They were a family. I was alone. They had no idea how much I wanted to be one of them. If only. . .

I watched them play for a while longer, until Master Fung called them in to bed. I started to climb back down the wall and head for home, but I hesitated. Instead, I jumped over the wall, sticking to the shadows. I waited for a while in the darkness, then crept into the dorms, looking in on the four Xiaolin monks in turn. Kimiko was fast asleep, a faint beat coming from her iPod. She had a hand curled around her PDA. An instant message window was open, some confused friend repeating "Hello?" to the unresponsive Kimiko. Clay was stretched out and snoring, with his boots sticking out from under his blanket. The pallet he slept on was just a little on the small side for the giant cowboy. Raimundo was curled tight around his teddy-bear, the name of which he informed me was "Ninja Fred." And finally, Omi, sleeping upside down on his head in some sort of strange meditative position. I stared at him for a moment, wondering how and why he slept like that. I watched him silently for a while, then looked around, a strange idea occurring to me suddenly. Everyone else was asleep. I pulled the curtains shut and sat down on the floor in front of Omi. I took a deep breath.

"Hey, Cheese-Ball." I said softly. He didn't wake up, which was fine with me. It would be easier if he were asleep. "I know this is weird, but I just. . .I wanted to say I'm sorry. Sorry I couldn't stay on your side. Sorry I turned on you. Sorry I d-disappointed you." I paused, taking a deep breath, blinking back tears once again. "It wouldn't have worked out, kid. I would have ended up screwing it all up in the end anyway. It's better this way. I'm just not cut out to be good. Or bad. Or anything at all." Omi let out a sigh. I wondered if he could hear me, if maybe he was dreaming about me saying all that. Just in case he could, I continued.

"And I wanted to say thanks for giving me a chance. For believing in me. You're the only guy in the whole world who does. Did. I guess that won't happen again, will it? But while it lasted, it was pretty cool. You treated me better than I guess I deserve." I smiled. "I guess to morrow we go back to being enemies again. It's going to be weird. But yeah. Anyway. Thanks for everything, Omi. Even if I'm going to be trying to kill you, I won't forget what you did for me. Ever. Even if I disappointed you, it kinda, well, it meant a lot. To me. So thanks." I fell silent and watched the boy sleep for a minute longer. Then I got up and slipped outside again. I looked out over the silent temple grounds and took in a deep breath of night air.

To my surprise, I found myself soothed. I didn't know how or why, but for some reason, I felt better about everything. I suddenly remembered something my grandmother had once told me, before she died. There is no good, and there is no evil. There is only choice and consequence. Everyone is trying to make the world a better place according to their own definition of "Better." Everyone has their own solution to what they believe is the great problem. To them, we're the evil empire. To us, they're offenders of all we believe in.

And as for me? I'm just the stupid kid caught in the cross-fire. But, I thought as I flew towards home, I guess that's okay. I don't really belong here, but I'll make it on my own. I'm gonna prove them wrong. It's me against the world.

_Epilogue –_

Unbeknownst to Jack, a lone figure watched him enter the dormitories, and watched him come back out. The figure watched as Jack Spicer, self-proclaimed Evil Boy Genius smiled a smile devoid of mischief and mocking and flew away without giving the Shen Gong Wu vault a single glance. The figure smiled.

Omi came outside, yawning and looking rather confused. He noticed the figure with a start.

"Oh, Master Fung, it is you." He said sleepily. "I have had the most strange of dreams."

"Really?" The figure, now revealed to be Master Fung, smiled.

"In it, Jack Spicer apologized for all the bad things he has done, and he thanked me for letting him be a monk. It was most confusing." Omi said, frowning.

"Jack Spicer is an interesting boy." The old master remarked. "He is an imbalance, neither good nor evil. Someday he will have to make a choice." Omi looked up at his mentor.

"What do you think he will choose?" He asked curiously.

"I do not know, young monk. But something tells me it will be a day I will very much want to see." Master Fung replied. "And now, we should both go back to sleep." He turned and walked away. Omi looked up into the sky. He thought, for a moment, that he saw the silver glint of a heli-bot. He shook his head and turned to go back inside.

"I think I would want to see that day, too." He said to himself. "The day Jack Spicer decides."

**_Fin_**

A/N: The end. I heart this one, it really is one of my favorites. And yay for the editing. Now I don't cringe every time I read it over again.

On the update list, it's Pentagram up next. I have one chapter up as of right now, and half a chapter transposed so that will be up soon. Anyway, go check that out! It's pretty nifty, if I do say so myself! (which I do.)

Oh yes. And review. Remember the Jack-Bots, children!


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